Shoe Cobbler’s Kids and Contractor’s Wives

The Before & After of our very own kitchen remodeled...by us.

• By Larry Parrish, CR, CGR, CAPS, GACP

•  This article was originally published in 2003. The kitchen was recently featured in the Kitchens are Cooking Home Tour May 1-2 to benefit the I Have a Dream Foundation of Boulder. See the News page for more.

• You’ve heard it said that a Physician who treats himself has a fool for a patient. I’d adapt this as follows: “A contractor who remodels his own home has a fool for a client.” Having just completed a significant remodel of my own home, and having used my own company to accomplish the work, I believe I can attest to the sad truth of this statement.

• I knew better, of course, but was the victim of another saying, often related by my wife, that “a shoe cobbler’s children have no shoes”. In her case, she was referring to the fact that I’d been promising for over ten years (ok, 25) to remodel our kitchen. Finally out of cunning desperation, she threatened to call a competitor to do the work. I’d have been smart to call her bluff, but I couldn’t bear the embarrassing thought. So I listed our kitchen remodel on the company’s schedule board just like a “real job”, the kind she’d been waiting in line behind all those years.

• I know that some of you are thinking of another saying—something about it being good for a doctor to get sick and have to taste his own medicine. Well—ok, I can understand that sentiment, and I must admit, I’m a better contractor for having lived through my own remodel experience.

• As a “building professional” with many years of practice advising clients on the construction process, I was confident I could avoid the potential pitfalls of construction, and enjoy the experience. Thanks to my wife, who encourages me to follow my own advice most of the time, I survived. I’d like to tell you about what worked, and what I should have done differently. I only hope that by sharing the experience with you, I can save you from some trouble of your own. At this point, I’d like to inject a saying of my own: “Do what I say, not what I do.”

1. On moving out: We remodeled for a friend recently (yes, we’re still friends), who decided to live in the house through the process. Afterwards, he said “if you ever have a client who chooses to live through a major remodel, have them call me.” It’s not for the faint of heart. You need a pioneer spirit and a strong sense of humor. It’s the little things that will get to you – the dust, lack of privacy, cramped quarters, parking in the street instead of the garage, noise, and disruption. I lived through it and survived. My advice? Move out!
2. More about dust: Don’t believe the contractor who claims he can control the dust. Not even with zipper doors, plastic walls, sticky mats, HEPA vacuum cleaners, and negative-pressure exhaust systems. These measures will keep the dust layer under a quarter-inch thick. If it can’t get dusty, seal it in a plastic bag or move it out. I’ve also learned that this level of dust can never be removed. It can only be rearranged.
3. On maintaining sanity: At best, remodeling is stressful. To increase your odds of survival, schedule some treats for yourself. Leave the country for as long as you can afford. Eat out often. Follow my wife’s example—tell everyone you know that you will accept all dinner invitations. Buy a voodoo doll of the contractor, and use it.
4. The Remodeling Creep: No matter how carefully you plan your project, it will grow. It’s one of the inviolate laws of physics. You will discover opportunities as the walls open up. In my case, it was an unplanned skylight. The opportunity was just too great to pass up. And it was worth it. In fact, it’s the best feature of the job. But it cost more and lengthened the project. Prepare for the contingency. Allow for extra cost and time in your plan. Don’t blame the contractor, you’ll do it to yourself.
5. Sticker Shock: It will cost more than a moon landing. Get over it. Just keep telling yourself it will be worth it. It will. If it wasn’t possible to forget the pain of childbirth, we’d all be “only children.” The color is just now coming back into my cheeks.
6. Product choices: Choose EVERYTHING before the project starts. You won’t have time or energy after the work begins. I didn’t do this. Near the end of the project, I didn’t care what product we used. I just didn’t want to have to decide any more. Hint for husbands—don’t pick a light fixture (or anything) without your wife in order to “expedite” things. Trust me on this one!
7. Schedule: Finally, I made a good decision. I didn’t run the project myself, but assigned it to a competent staff person. Thanks to him, the job ran exactly on schedule. One reason is because he was smart enough to include “float days” in the schedule to provide a cushion for the inevitable hiccups. This allowed for some minor perturbations without derailing the whole train. It also meant there were a few days when nothing significant happened. It was “way” worth it.
8. Celebrate milestones: To make the process more enjoyable, celebrate the significant achievements as you go along. Events such as commencement of framing, completion of rough-in, end of drywall, another week without divorce. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Perhaps a pizza party. Or milk and cookies. Or a quart of Vodka.
9.  Communications: Tell you contractor what’s bothering you as the issues come up, even if you think it’s too small to mention. Otherwise, you’ll save the list until it’s about a hundred items long, and you want to kill him. Then you’ll tell him about it anyway. You may as well get the issue out of the way right now. Then you can sleep better, and your contractor can stop wearing his Kevlar vest.
10. House Rules: Remember—it’s your home, and you have a right to enforce your rules. This includes rules on parking, radios, work hours/days, storage areas, access to the house, etc. Decide on what’s important to you, and stick to your guns (not literally, of course!) Just realize that some rules have a price, and be willing to pay it.
11. Designate one contact: Another good decision on my part. I deferred to my wife as the contact person for our job. Just as “too many cooks spoil the broth”, too many people communicating with the crew will spoil the project. Keep the communication chain simple and decide together who will be the main contact.

• I was about to say I wish I’d had this list before we began our project. But then again, it wouldn’t have mattered. To one degree or another, I broke every rule above, and still survived. I love the new kitchen, and am beginning to forget about the cost. Lest you be discouraged, remember—there is life after remodeling.

• A lady recently overheard my wife telling a friend that she had just finished a remodeling job. Not knowing the situation, but looking for a referral, the lady asked my wife if she was happy with her contractor. “Not really”, my wife answered, “But I’m still sleeping with him.”

• We always welcome your comments, questions and suggestions. Please feel free to post in the “Comments Box” below.